Chapters 9-12 Edits

So these are the edits I made to a book that  helped write in my writing class.

Antonio Romo

Honors Interdisciplinary Writing

Chapters 9-12 Edits

Chapter 9

·         Page 65:

“I reached for my alarm clock but instead all I found was a phone where my alarm clock would have been.”

The instead seems unnecessary and interrupts the flow of the sentence. Get rid of it.

·         Page 65:

“I guess this person doesn’t have 20/20 vision like me.” I muttered under my breath.

The period at the end of the quote should be changed to a comma. Then it will reinforce what she muttered under her breath.

·         Page 65

I got out of bed and stepped over various pieces of clothing and shoes and walked slowly out of the room, hoping that I wouldn’t run into anyone from this family.

This seems like a run-on sentence. A period should be placed after the shoes. Then a new sentence should be started.

·         Page 65

She looked so familiar but I couldn’t place a name to that face.

The so is not needed and that could be changed to the.

·         Page 66

I walked up the stairs and saw an Asian girl waving at me but I didn’t know her…

There should be a comma after me.

·         Page 68

I basically lay there for the next period and then the bell rang.

The verb tense shifts in this sentence. It should be laid.

Chapter 10

·         Page 70

The house was quiet, but a soft glow from light downstairs illuminated the hallway, so I figured that someone had woken up already.

I think that the light part doesn’t make sense. There needs to be an a.

·         Page 71

Stepping outside, I realized that I was in Beverly—usually the homes in this neighborhood were older, but Olivia’s house had a more modern feel that I was admittedly fond of.

The usually should go after the were.

·         Page 73

“Something weird’s going on and I think you know it.”

I’m a little unsure about this sentence. There could be an about after the know.

·         Page 75

In the moments I stood watching Joey from across the room, I felt a tireless yearning and unconditional affection, but looming not too far off was a foreboding cloud of hopeless despair.

It seems like a run on sentence to me. There should be a new sentence after the affection part.

·         Page 77

I regarded sarcastically the iPod’s shuffle feature’s…

Regarded should be switched with sarcastically.

Chapter 11

·         Page 82

I looked down at Nia’s body and tears fell down heavier and more frequently I feared I would be stuck and never be able to be myself again

There is a period missing after frequently.

Chapter 12

·         Page 83

Today I woke up to the alarms of a phone and alarm clock, one after the other set for 6:30 AM.

There should be an an before alarm since there is an a before cell phone.

·         Page 83

My body sat itself down at the desk and my hands immediately began working its magic and fifteen

Its should be changed to their because it is talking about the hands and there are two of them.

·         Page 87

However, it was interesting to live a peaceful life of a privileged Asian girl.

I believe the a after live should be changed to a the. It makes more sense that way.